if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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