I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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