Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
