Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
