When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
