Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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