Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
