I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize