i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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