I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
