im six kinds of drunk right now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
