We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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