the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
