I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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