My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
