Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
