i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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