i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
