Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
