my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We need a shit load of segways right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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