I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
