O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
