I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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