yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
