its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
