Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
