her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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