Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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