You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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