Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this beer tastes like vomit already
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
