If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
