There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
