oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Alive.
So much puke
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
