Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
