i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize