It's just like the Real World with babies
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
