in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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