So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
