Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..