i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over