Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.