The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
