I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
