Quick, to the slutcave!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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