I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
