um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
