You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
