I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
