Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
