You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
