There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
