arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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