i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
