Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
