my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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