the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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