Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
