I'm going to rape someone's good day.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
