I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
