i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
