just come out here and I will go home with you...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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