I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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