Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
