well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
