I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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