i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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