I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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